I'm Real: Kendrick Lamar and How We Have To Be There

"You love him, you love them, you love her

You love so much, you love when love hurts
...
You love a good hand whenever the card dealt
But what love got to do with it when you don't love yourself?"

Maybe it's because Kendrick Lamar is going to be giving a concert here on Wednesday, but his song, "Real," has been resonating with me in particular for a couple of weeks.

In my last blog, I wrote about some of my high school kids taking a trip to court and seeing someone they recognized pleading guilty to armed robbery, and a little bit about how kids are so much more willing to make self-destructive decisions when they don't care about themselves.

"You love streets, you love running, ducking police
You love your hood, might even love it to death
But what love got to do with it when you don't love yourself?"

I was driving some high school kids home one night when this song came on. The car got pretty quiet. At the end of it, one girl said, "I don't like that song. It's sad."

It's sad because it's real.

Empty kids are living lives without purpose and without a care for the long-term because these kids don't care about themselves.

How is a kid supposed to learn that she is worthwhile, that she has something to offer? When the kid is young, it comes from the encouragement of others. It comes from someone telling the kid she did a good job, that she can dream, that the stars in the sky are within her reach.

Lots of kids get that support already from teachers, even if they don't get it at home. The problem emerges when the positive encouragement, whatever the source, is outweighed by the negative, when the kid starts to think that he can't achieve.
Maybe a parent doesn't care about the cute sticker the kid got for a perfect spelling test. Maybe the kid has been traumatized by violence. Maybe he looks up to older kids who have nothing but bad things to say about school.

That's when the kid comes to class and stops talking. He's asked to read but he mumbles or covers his face with the book. Even if he actually knows the answer, he can't give it because he doesn't think he could possibly know the answer. Everyone else is better than him. Why should he talk?
Or maybe he doesn't have the answer. There's no way he could learn by being a part of the class.
Or maybe he doesn't care. School can't help him.

There are too many influences that prey on this lack of confidence. When confidence can't come from inside, the search for something outside to replace it begins.
Escape: Drugs, Sex, Dropping out
Responsibility: Joining a gang, Having a child
Power: Gun, Money, Respect

Life is defined by what the kid does have, or at least thinks is easier to have - Money, Power, Respect - rather than who the kid actually is.

This isn't limited to kids in bad situations either. Plenty of adults, even successful ones, lack confidence in themselves, try to define themselves by things from the outside they think can fill the void within. Maybe it's alcohol, maybe it's submitting to a bad relationship, maybe it's compulsively buying the best the world can offer. The environment adults are in still provides plenty of opportunities to get drawn into an underworld.

But when this same emptiness draws a kid down, they more often can't realize what's happening, that their lives may never get started, that it's all over before it even began.

In school, the farther a kid falls into the crack, the more the portion of her life spent in the positive environment can push her down. The troublemaker is rarely trusted to make her own choices about what's right and wrong. The kid becomes an outsider, continues to feel inadequate, hears others do something she can't, doesn't understand if something is wrong with her, withdraws from the positive world because she feels unworthy to be in it. The older these kids get, the more withdrawn they can be.

They can't have positive confidence because they don't love themselves. So making a bad choice - to skip school, to get into a fight, to drop out, to commit a crime - is just a reflection of how empty they feel, how there's nothing in them worth preserving, how they're fed up with a system that hasn't fulfilled their needs.

"But what love got to do with it when I don't love myself
To the point I should hate everything I do love?
Should I hate living my life inside the club?
Should I hate her for watching me for that reason?
Should I hate him for telling me that I'm season?
Should I hate them for telling me ball out?
Should I hate street credibility I'm talking about?
Hating all money, power, respect in my will?
Or hating the fact none of that s*** make me real?"

That's why kids who emerge from these backgrounds with confidence in themselves can end up being so powerful. They've had to deal with so much they don't have a choice but to be strong.
But more often the kid gets drawn farther and farther down until a life of low personal expectations becomes the norm.

Positive conversation might be the most important act the community can give to a kid. Sometimes a kid just needs to know someone is there for them when all hell is breaking loose.

I had a kindergartener in a science class. We were building bridges out of popsicle sticks, so there was plenty of time for me to talk to the kids about what was going on in their lives. One kid came in pretty sleepy.

"Were you up late watching TV?"
[Shakes his head.]
"Had dinner late?"
[Shakes his head.]
"Just didn't get much sleep?"
[Nods his head.]

The rule of three, and then let the openness sink in for a few minutes so the kid can understand on his own that he can be open too. And as the kid was putting glue on a stick, he started talking.

"I got to visit my dad last night."
"That sounds great."
"Yeah. He had to go to the court because he shot someone in the head."

The kid went on to talk about what his dad did, never once pausing in making his bridge. The other kids in the class didn't flinch. They were all in kindergarten too.

It might take minutes, hours, days, even weeks with a kid to get them to open up, but that's what needs to happen. Teachers are great at knowing which kids need that help, but our classes and schools are not designed to help all of these kids. Time and patience is often at a premium in classrooms of 30 kids, all at different levels, all supposed to be at the same level, all the teacher's responsibility. There are plenty of changes we can make to a classroom, but that's a post for a different day.

What we all can do right now is give a kid some of our time. We can be the ones who take a kid to lunch on a Saturday, text them on Monday to make sure they're studying for a test on Tuesday, tweet them when they notice they're going through a hard time, visit their school when they present their work, are there for them when their love for themselves wanes.

All we have to do is be there.

Kendrick Lamar's album has made him popular because it has a real message. You may have heard some of the remixed versions on the radio, but the popularization through alteration is cheapening that message for a society that isn't willing to deal with the hard truth of our internal emptiness.
The album tells a story about a boy who grew up in the midst of negativity, who witnessed violence, who emerges questioning his life, or really the lack of it.

Not every kid has the strength to question life like that. We can't question it for them, but we can help them find the strength to do it. All we have to do is be there.

And then maybe the kid will go to school and feel more confident, or at least talk to you about what's bugging her. Maybe she'll take your advice about talking to her teacher.
Maybe she'll go home and know that she is worthwhile, that all the negativity around her isn't. Maybe she'll see that her dream is worth dreaming, that her work today is for a real tomorrow.
And then maybe she'll look in the mirror and be "proud to say yeah, I'm real, I'm real, I'm really really real."

Volunteer with us at www.eduexchangecorps.org. 

C-Murder and the Kids They Affect

C-Murder had never been convicted of a felony. He stood in front of the judge in an orange jumpsuit. A few other men had the same orange jumpsuit on just feet away from C-Murder, sitting in the jury box. But standing in front of the judge, C-Murder was on his own. The judge asked him several questions about whether he understood that he could go to prison for the rest of his life if he pleaded guilty. But that's just what he did.

I spent most of my day with a bunch of kids from a St. Louis city high school visiting a courthouse, seeing a holding cell, watching as men in orange jumpsuits confessed their wrongdoings. Later in the day, the kids argued their own motions to dismiss in a made-up case about how a school district was or was not liable for a child failing to learn in school. The fictional plaintiff was a senior in a high school in a made-up state, and he couldn't read. I was so proud of my kids, really all the kids who had the courage to get up in a courtroom in front of a real judge and give a serious argument.

Unfortunately, the facts behind these kids' arguments, a fictional child who was effectively illiterate when he was 18, doesn't just happen in made-up states. In real states though, most of those kids don't hang around in schools until senior year.

But back to C-Murder: one of my high school kids said she knew who he was. When she was in pre-school or kindergarten, C-Murder was a 6th grader. At one time, this young man, who used a weapon to commit a burglary while his buddy beat the woman being burglarized, was an innocent 6th grade student. But that was long before he had to put on his orange jumpsuit.

I've had a kid who went down the path to self-destruction. When I first started as a volunteer in St. Louis, one of my brightest students, a kindergartner, was also one of the most "hyper." He liked to do flips and other gymnastic acts of heroism at inopportune times, but he could read, write, do math at levels above his classmates. One day that summer, a police officer came to the school. He pulled my kid out of class to talk to him. Both of this kid's parents were sent to prison because of drugs.

Just a few years later, this kid had been deemed a lost child by his school. There was no reaching him. His family life was reflected in his inability to control his own behavior. I don't know whatever happened to that child, and it may be the biggest regret of my life that I didn't do enough to even know how he turned out.

This girl who recognized C-Murder, she told me she would tell her mom about her seeing this young man plead guilty in court. She said her mom would probably say, "Damn."

That's the reality of some of these kids' lives. Some kids end up in prison, some kids end up unemployable, some kids go on to work, some kids go on to college. More need to do the latter. More need someone to care for them so they can understand that they are worth caring for themselves. More of these kids need someone in their lives to talk to, before they decide to agree with their friends to go to some lady's apartment and rob her.

That's in part why I'm involved with kids, and it's why I want to end up working with kids all over this country. Because sometimes a kid just needs someone to love him before he can love himself.

If you're going to be in St. Louis this summer, consider sharing your time with a kid. Visit our website at www.eduexchangecorps.org to find one way to get involved. I promise you won't regret it.

EEC Summer 2013: Clay's Landing (Game of Thrones Comes to St. Louis)

This Summer

Winter is Coming

To the Education Exchange Corps

(Song of Fire and Icecream)

Join us and give a group of kids a summer full of dragons, mythical wonders, and tales of honor and glory.

Visit www.eduexchangecorps.org to sign up. We're looking for full- and part-time volunteer instructors from June 10 - July 26, as well as one-time volunteers willing to lead group activities drawn from their own professional expertise.

Our kids will love you, and you'll find that you'll love them right back. So spend some time this summer at Clay's Landing.

Spend Part of Your Summer with the Education Exchange Corps

The Education Exchange Corps (EEC) is looking for Summer Instructors for its Summer Academy in St. Louis!

Summer Instructors serve as leaders in our summer academy at Clay Elementary, working in teams with groups of children. The purpose of the summer academy is to provide kids with hands-on activities that educate and build confidence.

Summer Instructors develop lesson plans, lead group activities, decorate classrooms, and receive support from staff throughout. This position is a great opportunity to gain experience in classroom management in a school serving at-risk children. Instructors often develop long-lasting relationships with the children they teach.

Assistant positions are also available. Assistants serve in more of a support role.

Many of our alumni have gone on to serve in teaching roles with Teach For America and other similar organizations. Additionally, other alumni have gone into non-education fields and report that they have gained a lot personally and professionally from their time in our program.

The start date is currently being set. The program will potentially last 7 weeks during June and July with instructors able to participate part-time.

The position is unpaid, but we do work with volunteers to secure stipends and/or academic credit.

To learn more, email eec.stl@gmail.com to contact our Director, Elad Gross, or visit us online at www.eduexchangecorps.org. 

Michelle Rhee is Wrong about St. Louis Schools

Today, the St. Louis Post Dispatch published a guest commentary from Michelle Rhee, the former chancellor of the D.C. Public Schools. In her commentary, Rhee calls for more stringent testing of teachers to improve classroom quality.

Rhee is wrong.

First, I couldn't help but wonder why Rhee is commenting on the St. Louis Public Schools. Plenty of things about education are transferable, but we should not assume that a strategy that works in one city will work in another. While Rhee is quite the experienced educator, I would think she would understand the intricacies of an education system enough to avoid calling for policy changes based on superficial research and an anecdote.

In short, Rhee doesn't know St. Louis.

Second, improving teacher quality doesn't mean that tenured teachers need to be reviewed more often. It may mean that tenure requirements need to be more stringent, but isn't part of the point of tenure to reduce the resources we spend on teacher check-ups?

Teachers today have to deal with a lot, and more testing may not be the answer to fixing classrooms. Will a kid be less hungry, and thus less angsty, if his teacher received a more detailed evaluation? Will a parent have more time to be involved if her kid's instructor was under more pressure? Will teacher testing ensure that a troubled child gets more in the way of psychological services? 

Will it even help us find those few instructors who can actually deal with all of these societal failings?

Maybe we can improve teacher quality. I'm sure kids would do better if bad teachers were out of a job. But that doesn't mean that we should expend already limited resources to root out the bad through additional evaluations.

We can achieve the exact same goal - improvement of the classroom environment - through a system of support. Good teachers will founder in the classroom if they don't receive enough help. Even the strongest of us can only take so much.

The feedback Rhee discusses shouldn't come in the way of professional evaluations. It should come as the natural part of an educative partnership. It should come through conversation, collaboration, in-school workshops, and real, meaningful, productive professional development tailored to the realities each school faces on a daily basis. Threatening a teacher's job security will only add to the burden teachers are forced to carry.

The political commentator Niccolo Machiavelli is perhaps best known for advocating authority's establishment through fear rather than love. But in The Prince, Machiavelli wrote: "Nevertheless a prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred...."

There are limits to the efficacy of fear as a motivating force. The fear of losing a job, especially today, is acute. But when that fear is engendered through additional paperwork or tense meetings or one-way administrative direction, that fear can quickly turn to hatred. 

The fear of losing a job is an essential element in our economic system. But there's no need to turn what could be a collaborative school-wide relationship rooted in practicality into a factory-like workplace where the final bell can't come soon enough.

In the city of St. Louis, our kids deal with a lot, and our teachers are expected to fix it all. It's time to stop telling teachers they're doing a bad job, and time to start asking how we can help them do their jobs better.

EEC Summer Academy 2012

For the last half a year, you haven’t heard much from me. I started law school at Washington University in the fall and let’s just say the time commitment thing has been a struggle. So far, I’ve had to sacrifice blogging for programming, but you can still get updates about us through Twitter and our Facebook page. It takes less time to write 140 characters than a blog post!

This summer, we are partnering with Clay Elementary again to run a 3-week summer academy for neighborhood kids and other children from the city who can find their way there. Last year, our Harry Potter camp was a big hit with the kids and we are looking for another group of volunteers to take the reins this summer. Check out our video from last summer to see the kinds of activities we do.

We are currently looking for an academy director and volunteer academy teachers to run the program. The time commitment is flexible, but the benefits are really worth your time. Several of our academy teachers have gone on to join Teach for America and similar post-graduate teaching programs. Many others have used their experience as a launching point for different academic pursuits in the sciences, public policy, and law. This is a great opportunity to get to know St. Louis city, help a fun group of kids have experiences they wouldn’t get otherwise, and develop better teaching and leadership skills through hands-on application and training.

To learn more, visit www.eduexchangecorps.org or e-mail eec.stl@gmail.com.

Hope to see you out this summer!

How the IRS Can Be Your Friend Too, and Important Information for Those Applying for an EIN as a Non-Profit

April 8, 2011: Missouri Secretary of State Robin Carnahan approves the EEC's Articles of Incorporation. We are an official Missouri non-profit organization!

April 18, 2011: Elad, the EEC's executive director and current legal staffer attempts to apply for 501(c)(3) status from the IRS so the EEC can be tax exempt and receive tax exempt donations. But to complete the forms, I find that I need an EIN (Employer Identification Number). The IRS has an online application program that provides an EIN within minutes.

All goes smoothly until the confirmation page.

Here's where those applying for an EIN as a non-profit should pay attention.

When the user selects "Social Assistance" as the primary business category, the confirmation page shows that the user actually chose "Health Care" as the category!

I wasn't about to mess up what was supposed to be the easiest part of the process. So I tried again. And again. And again. And a couple more agains. Yet to no avail!

Per my Constitutional duty as a US citizen, I proceeded to notify my government of the problem with their online application. I chose to communicate in the most technologically efficient and communicationally deficient manner available today: E-mail.

April 20, 2011: The IRS Help Desk responds to my e-mail saying they can't respond to it by e-mail.

Are the horror stories true? Will my spirit be crushed by a massive government bureaucratic machine? Am I about to voluntarily enter Dante's Inferno?

The IRS provides me with a phone number to call at my convenience.

April 21, 2011: My convenience rolls around. I call up the IRS. Soon the elevator music starts playing. Speaker phone deployed and the wait begins. I start wondering why some underground rapper or country singer doesn't try to sell on-hold music. Maybe I should start a for-profit business for on-hold music...? My attempt to distract myself has failed. I'm still on hold. Time to work.

37 minutes later, a man answers the phone. Within 7 minutes, I'm done and I have an EIN!

So important thing for non-profits to note: If you select "Social Assistance" as your business category, it will change to "Health Care" on the confirmation page. When the IRS guys do it for you over the phone, they see "Social Assistance" an "Health Care" as one category. And if all else fails, just select "Other".

So fear not! You can skip the 37 minute on-hold time with just a few clicks of the mouse.